A Sudden Thought

I'm a little removed from the emotion of this adoption.  Right now is a time of paperwork and gettin' 'er done.    We have photos of Caleb and information about Caleb.  And I want to get to Caleb.  But I can't even really picture what things are going to be like when we meet him.  What he is going to be like.  What his CP is going to be like.  What the effects of his institutionalization are going to be like.  What connection is going to be like.  So many unknowns.  So we plunge on, but we really can't comprehend what exactly it is that we are moving into.

But out of all of this, I knew that July would be a hard month.  Titus is turning 5.  And Caleb is turning 5.  But alone.  Without family.  Without us.  And it's just such a hard thought.  To think of him getting older there, hitting these milestones with little to mark any change at all.

And then I remember that there might be a group visiting his orphanage soon.  And there might be a chance that we will see some current photos of him.  And I don't know that I can handle it.  The last photos we've seen are from just over a year ago.  Oh, what difference can a year make!  I'm scared to get an update.  Scared to see him bigger, different--much much much more scared to see him smaller or thinner or weaker.

Please pray for the group that is preparing to leave.  They do a great job educating on special needs care in areas that don't have a lot of resources.  Pray for our little guy.  Pray for his perfect fit into our family--which is so unknown to us now, but not at all unknown to our Lord.  Pray for our world's orphans.  That they're protected.  That they know they're loved.  That measures are being taken to prevent social orphans, that families are being strengthened and getting what they need to stay together.  That the rest of us are stepping in to make sure that the children that are alone can be held tight and belong.