New Year's Adoption Thoughts

I've been wanting to write a new post since it's been so long.  But also not really wanting to write one because it can be hard to know what to say.  Many of you have navigated here through Reece's Rainbow looking for adoption news, and that's the most uncertain thing in my life.

Why?

I have wanted to adopt.  And I had an idea of what it would look like.  In fact, in 2009 I had an idea of what it would look like.  And in 2010 it had changed a little.  In 2011 it had changed a little more.  In 2012 it was still morphing a bit.  And when we decided to take the plunge and begin paperwork, I had my 2013 idea of what it would look like.  But I didn't know what child might be ours.

So many orphans, but just one to join our family.  Who, God?

We looked at country programs and we looked at waiting child lists.  But who, God?  Show us.

We saw Stellan's profile.  And I couldn't get that little boy out of my mind... and we felt peace with pursuing that one little boy... so left-field.

Never would I have imagined we would pursue adopting a child with such significant special needs and so many unknowns.  Furthermore, as we were heading to our biometrics appointment with Immigration, we were notified that he is actually two years older than we had believed when we began the process.  Two years older than the maximum age we would have considered.  If his birthday had been listed correctly, I do not think this is the course we would have taken.

But here is what is constantly blowing me away:  it seems so fitting that God would take my willingness and do with it as He sees fit.  Not my plans.  Not my parameters.  But His.  That He would take what I wanted and turn it on its head and give me what He would have for us.

The uncertainties I feel are just that:  uncertainties.  I do not know what will happen.  I do not know how things will go when we meet him.  If we bring him home, I do not know if things will work out well in the end.  I feel so strongly that God is in this.  I look at how very different this picture is from what I would have imagined for us and I see Him behind it all.

I do not know what the future holds.  I do not know if we might fail in some way.  I know that changes are coming and times may be difficult.  All I can currently do is continue to move forward, though I do not feel that I have the confidence that I see so many other adoptive families expressing.  I am entering a giant unknown world and we are moving one step at a time.  In faith.

Faith.  Which reminds me.  And I will end on this:

I have a wonderful friend that was praying for us and about us and, I'm not trying to sound wishy-washy spiritual or something and I'm also going to totally misquote here, but what came to her was that God does not necessarily expect every person to adopt, but that He does want our faith and obedience.  Faith and Obedience.  From the moment she shared this whatever-vaguely-like-this-thing-I-just-shared-was, I cannot remove those two words from my mind.  They feel so powerful there and seem to resonate.  And I am a girl that typically needs to see words to remember them.  He desires our Faith and Obedience.

Each of My Kids is Different

Tonight was crazy hair night at Awanas and if they wore a crazy hair style, they got to get prizes out of the treasure box.  After explaining this to the kids, Titus was adamant that his hair not be crazy.  Eventually the treasure lured him, though, and he acceded, "Alright, but just a little funny.  I like my hair to look good."

Then taking them to Awanas tonight, Kali randomly burst out in a sad voice, "I wish I could count every house!"

So I explained that there are more than 3,000 people that live just in our neighborhood and that would take a really long time.  Titus offered, "And a billion cars?"

"No, there are always less cars than people."

Kali:  "I'm going to count the cars on the way to Awanas!"

So she begins.  And then Titus begins.  And they're at around 8-9 cars when we near an intersection where perhaps 10 cars in two lanes are just turning the corner toward us.  Kali continues to count.  Titus exclaims, "Ahh!  There are hundreds of cars!  One hundred!  Two hundred!  Three hundred!"

We turn the corner, passing many more cars.  At this point, I hear Kali:  "Sixty two, sixty three, sixty four..."  (I'm assuming she maybe jumped some numbers in the middle.)

Titus:  "There are one hundred billion cars!"

Kali:  "Eighty one four, eighty one five, eight one six..."

Titus:  "One thousand!  Two thousand!"

And Kali got to about one hundred and fourteen before we reached Awanas, which is surely more accurate than Titus' estimate.

So we get to Awanas, but rather than ask me to push her on the swings, Kali assumes I should have known this and screams at me in an angry voice to push her.  So she doesn't get pushed on the swing and they blow the whistle and it's time to go in and she is very sad.

And then we get inside the building and Ella needs to go potty and in the doorway to the restroom while Ella is inside, Kali is crying in hysterics and I can't understand her and I finally figure out that she is bawling for me to practice her verse with her one more time.  So we do that.  Get Ella out of the restroom.  Get Titus and Kali to their Cubbies' class.

I take Ella to her class and she is remarking on each person's crazy hair that she sees as we go.  I drop her off and she walks in as her teacher says, "Ella, look at your crazy hair!"

To which Ella sticks her foot out to the side and asks her teacher, "Do you like these?"  Indicating her new shoes, because more and more I'm seeing that she's also a little words-of-affirmation girl on top of being a cuddle bug.

Yep:  4 large paperclips = crazy hair.  He still wasn't thrilled.

We didn't go crazy, but we got 'er done.

Come With Me!

I have some really great news!  Not like anything adoption related or family related, etc., more like something pop-culture related, but I am so excited!

And I have to rub this excitement on to some of you!  Or at least push enough that some of you will humor me in this.

About a year and a half ago, I discovered Meekakitty and Nanalew.  This video must have been a random suggestion in the right column on YouTube and I guess I clicked:

And I guess from there I must have clicked on some others.  The following is my favorite.  This video has over three times the hits as the official music video for the song.  It's best if watched with high resolution.

And so I guess I became a fan.  I actually began to follow a vlogger.  What?

And... at just this time I had discovered them, I also discovered that I had just missed their tour.  They had been on tour?!?!  What?!?!

Oh... but almost two years since their last tour and what amazing news do I have?!?!?!?!?!  That's right, another tour is afoot!  And the last venue is supposed to be in Phoenix!  If you're not in Phoenix, you can look for locations close to you here.  But I am hoping that I can persuade every one of my Phoenix friends to accompany me to what is sure to be one of the most amazing events ever.

My only fear is that it will just be a lot of music.  But I am hoping hoping planning that there is also just a whole bunch of randomness.  I'm assuming their last tour included a lot of randomness--who knows--, but I know that Tessa (Meekakitty) is getting into her own music right now.  But I seriously have no idea what to expect--PLEASE COME WITH ME!  :D  :D

Hmm... how to further push this... Tessa (Meekakitty) directed this amazing video:

Sometimes this song plays on my Spotify account:

Ultimately, though, when the Internet is making a stop in your town, shouldn't you do your best to visit?

The Best Date

Matt's aunt kindly came up to stay with the kids and watch them last night so that I could surprise him with a date for his birthday.  The kids got to have tea parties and play games with their Auntie, and we stayed in a nearby hotel.  (I really did completely surprise him, by the way!)

It was the best date we've had in a long time.

I didn't know it would be that way.  Especially after we had a rough few days of hurt feelings and disagreement and had just managed to make up with one another the night before.

We had a nice dinner with just enough time to check into our hotel before our movie showtime.  There was a bit of a line at the front desk of our hotel.  Matt dropped me off to get us checked in and I asked him to park and come in and wait with me (because it looked like it was going to be awhile).  So I got into line (as the 4th guest) and stood behind a young businessman.  Stuck to the back of his yellow shirt was a blue string, and therefore, a conundrum.

I immediately turned to Facebook (on my phone) to post this dilemma and ask for feedback as to what to do.  (Later I discovered that somehow I did not submit this status update and it was lost and never posted.)  So Matt walks in as I was finishing this post on my phone and takes a seat in one of the lobby chairs.  I put my phone away and get back to the matter at hand:  the blue string.

I stare it down.  I concentrate.  I debate.  You see, this young man is nicely dressed; his pants are ironed.  He clearly has a business meeting.  But he doesn't know that there is a blue string stuck to his back!  (Picture a bunched up little half-fuzzy blue string that takes up about the space of a dime on his back.)  So I brace myself and go for a trial run of a quick grab.

"Shilo."

I look over to my husband in his lobby chair about five feet away.  He is shaking his head and mouthing a silent "no".

And we begin a silent exchange.  Because I cannot help my wandering focus... that blue string!  I would be doing this man such a favor if I could just remove it for him.  And I can't just tap him on the shoulder and say, "Excuse me but you have a blue string on the back of your shirt, can I remove it for you?"  No--that would be crazy!  Maybe if it was like a "kick me" sign or something, but I can't say that about this blue string.

But it should not be there.  So I can't help the setting of my jaw, the narrowing of my eye, the contemplation of how I could best remove it.  I mean, seriously, most likely he wouldn't even feel me grab it.  But my husband is repeatedly stopping me.

I stand behind this man, having a silent/whisper conversation back and forth with my sitting husband.  Surely this man hears the occasional whisper, so every once in awhile I say some random sentence out loud to call less attention to ourselves.  (Because nothing calls less attention than: whisper, whisper, whisper, "I should put that on Facebook.", whisper, whisper, whisper--remember, we're sort of talking across the lobby.)  A few times, Matt is like, "Shilo, come here for second."  So I walk over, lean over his chair, and he whispers to me not to touch that man and I nonchalantly pretend that I'm showing him my cell phone as he argues his case.

At one point, Matt shakes his head and mouths to me the dire threat that he will expose me if I try to do it.  So if I try to make a move, he audibly says, "Shilo."  Yeah, we were super-inconspicuous.  I waved my hands and tried to mouth to let me just see if I could get close (without touching!) without being ratted out.  Finally, Matt called me over, explained that it was the end of the day, he was checking into his hotel, he wasn't going to any other meetings, and it was okay--he wasn't going to any more meetings.  And that finally set me at ease, though I sure did eye-ball the thing some more.  I love my perceptive husband, that he knew what my greatest motivator for removing the thread was.

So finally it was my turn to check-in and we got our keys and headed to our movie.  We saw Pacific Rim--super good.  And then feeling like maybe we should hit up another movie, I saw that Austenland was out!  Matt, so kindly, agreed to go with me and we both really enjoyed it.

We got back to our hotel room at midnight and then we talked for hours!  And it was such good conversation!  I seriously think it was the best we've had in years.

We spent awhile talking about the Fruits of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22) and it was so good.  Recently Matt had realized that I really respond to joy.  He very much thinks over the fruits and tries to exercise them and he struggles with being joyful.  Whereas, I'm very susceptible to joy and can interpret a lack of joy to mean a variety of things, including that someone is upset with me even if they're not.

So based on this conversation, we decided to discuss the fruits together.  We each went down them one by one, talking about whether we have successes with it or struggle with it.  We had to define them and apply them and talk about how we relate them to one another and we how exercise them with others and whether we really struggle with a particular fruit or do well with it.  Or if we express them differently, etc.  It really turned into a very deep and very productive and insightful conversation.

So we were up late.  So we got up late this morning.  Had a really nice lunch together at a restaurant on the way home.  And now we're back.  But what a nice 21 hours!  We've done dates like this before, but who knew just how good one could be.  :)

An Apostille and Language Update

I went to the executive tower of our state capitol and got all of our documents apostilled.  Thought I might have a good story about it, but I don't.  I smiled at the security guard--I didn't roll across the floor or slide with my back along the walls.  There wasn't really a line.  The woman working got them all done for me super fast and I was on my way.

It seems that in government buildings they call them "App-puh-stills".  (Like "a" as in apple with the emphasis on the first syllable.)  Feel free to leave feedback on how you say it.  I say it more like the word "apostle," but with another "t" in there.

I bought a book to start learning the language a while back and I cracked it open for the first time last week:  ready to get my language on.  And luckily, this was in the first lesson:

a - [a] as in father
o - [o] as in bottle

I can't remember whether or not I knew it was written by a British professor when I bought it, but I thought it wouldn't be a problem.  Until I got to the first lesson.  So now I need to find something new to work with.  I am thankful this was the very first thing, though, and that I hadn't put any more labor into learning to mispronounce foreign words.  ;)

I think this book would have worked very well for me, though.  I have trouble learning the Rosetta Stone way.  They might teach you how to say a sentence, but I want to know why the sentence I just said means the one I know in English.  I like to know how to string words together and what type of Grammar format the language uses.  And this would have taught that... I just would have been speaking my own dialect.  

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I feel like recent posts have needed more pictures... 

...digging through pictures now to find something applicable...

Okay, so I noticed a few photos that could have fallen into the category of "Things I've tried on at stores" and was going to do a series.  (Yes, I know, highly applicable.)  But maybe I'll save that for another time.

How about:  "Photo proof of my 4-H trophies before tossing them in the dumpster"?

Yep, won "Best of Poultry" one year.  (With a pigeon.)

Birthday Photo Op

It seems like I end up taking a photo shoot of this little girl whenever it's her birthday.
Here is a photo from last year, 3 years old.

Now she just turned 4!  Sitting on the stool was her idea.

Adoption: How do you choose?

Our home study reached us yesterday.  Tomorrow I will mail it on to immigration.  I pretty much have our dossier documents completed so I will get those apostilled and send them on to country to be translated.  When immigration approves us, I will send their approval to country.  Then we will wait for the country to give us an appointment date.  It seems pretty simple, but we're assuming we will actually travel around January.

I've been thinking I should write a little more about why Caleb.  My biggest question in regards to adoption was, "How do you choose?"  There are so many children in the world that need families and we just wanted to make that number one less.  But to choose...

I have read many amazing stories where God clearly placed a child with a particular family.  Or where a family just clicked over a particular child.  Or where circumstances changed and changed and lo and behold, this child fell into this person's lap.  I had looked at waiting child lists for years, but I was left with:  how do you choose?

There was one other time (maybe a year and a half ago now) when I felt that two children could be ours.  They were siblings:  one between Titus and Kali in age and one between Kali and Ella in age.  And they were little Roma children--I can't help it, I love the Roma people!  And I went to Matt, asking him to consider and telling him that I thought they could be ours.  And it was one week before I was scheduled to have the Essure procedure done... and boy, did we have a talk.  And a talk.

I look at that experience with such thankfulness, because I found out that my husband was not so excited about adoption... or ever wanting to adopt.  Which was a really important conversation to have with a procedure that would stop us from having any more biological kids on the horizon.  It also showed that we had a lot of misunderstandings between us:  I had thought he was open to adoption in the future; he told me that he didn't really want more children.  Needless to say, there was much talking to be had.  And just over a year later, it was Matt that told me to go ahead and begin the adoption process.  Who knows how much longer I would have put it off?  Sometimes it's hard for me to actually take the big steps and make the giant decisions.

Oh, and we didn't adopt those little Roma children.  ;)

(And just for followup, I don't think they were on the waiting child list for more than a few days.)

We started the adoption process earlier this year after we inquired about a three year old Moldovan boy.  His agency sent photos and some information.  He was adorable, but he just didn't stand out to us in a way that had us moving forward for him.  So we began the adoption process, planning to be matched with a child from Moldova--one way to avoid choosing.  That fell through (making me wonder if God was going to throw us something from left field) so we started look at little African boys on waiting child lists--none stood out from any other, but I assumed we'd pursue one of them.

Then right before bed one night, I remembered Reece's Rainbow.  I hadn't been to their site in awhile, but I thought that since we were now actively working on adopting, I should cover our bases and look at their waiting children.  I was 99% sure that our child wouldn't be there, but I felt the need to be thorough.  I was making a note of children to show Matt the next day when I saw his profile.  And that was it.  I don't know what to say; it could be that he shares a birthday with Titus that stopped me.

And a little back story: there had been a little Roma boy on Reece's Rainbow months earlier that I had prayed for (and shared to Facebook for prayer for) and spent a lot of time researching "spastic tetraparesis" cerebral palsy for.  Before this point, I would not have even looked at cerebral palsy as an option, but this little boy really touched my heart.  I talked with Matt about him on a few occasions, but ultimately I realized that my desire to parent this little boy hinged on the likelihood that we could find a treatment for him that would enable him to walk.  That may sound shallow to some, but that's where I was.  When I realized this, I continued to pray for this little boy and his future family, but recognized that it was not us.  (Side note:  this little boy's family was just assigned their travel date to go to country and get him!)

So when I saw Caleb's profile... and his birthday matched Titus'... and he looked like one of my children... and he had cerebral palsy, but he clearly wanted to stand... and he could grasp the bars of his crib and pull himself up... my heart clenched.  My heart clenched and the other children faded away.  I could not get this one little boy out of my mind.  I could not get this one little boy off of my heart.  I could not get this one little boy out of my mind or off of my heart.

When I told Matt about him the next day, he was immediately on board.  I spent the next day or two, reminding my husband of every difficulty we could possibly face and challenging him with, "Are you sure?"  And we were sure.

I can't say I've been that sure this entire time during all of this paperwork and waiting, but I've never even considered changing my mind.  And I can't say for sure how things will pan out.  Hopefully, we'll come through to the other side with giant praise reports and exclamations of how he was always meant to be ours.  I don't know what the future holds.  But it wasn't until I saw this little boy that I felt the peace and strength to move forward.  And I'm trusting God will give us all that we need in order to love and cherish and parent this little boy.

Hanson

I have posted this candle today in honor of Hanson.

There is a page on Reece's Rainbow that I can't look at.  It is in loving memory of the orphans RR has featured, some that have had adoptive parents on the way and some that have not, that couldn't hold out any more and went on to the Lord.  I have been to the page a few times, to remember those precious children, but I see the photos and then I remember that they are gone, and I just cannot handle it.  I just can't.

Hanson was a little boy in Europe that had been waiting for a family of his own until he recently passed.  But Hanson had a friend here that after hearing about him, had identified with him, loved him, prayed for him, and advocated for him.  And this friend, crushed at the news, has arranged a memorial service for Hanson, today (7/26) in Canada.  You can read more about this friend here.

I am really moved by the effort of one who cared so deeply for Hanson, without (as far as I know) ever even meeting him.  And out of respect and remembrance, I'm posting this candle in memorial.

I would like to offer this memorial, not only to Hanson, but to the countless other orphans that have passed and have now gone home to the arms of their heavenly Father.

A Sudden Thought

I'm a little removed from the emotion of this adoption.  Right now is a time of paperwork and gettin' 'er done.    We have photos of Caleb and information about Caleb.  And I want to get to Caleb.  But I can't even really picture what things are going to be like when we meet him.  What he is going to be like.  What his CP is going to be like.  What the effects of his institutionalization are going to be like.  What connection is going to be like.  So many unknowns.  So we plunge on, but we really can't comprehend what exactly it is that we are moving into.

But out of all of this, I knew that July would be a hard month.  Titus is turning 5.  And Caleb is turning 5.  But alone.  Without family.  Without us.  And it's just such a hard thought.  To think of him getting older there, hitting these milestones with little to mark any change at all.

And then I remember that there might be a group visiting his orphanage soon.  And there might be a chance that we will see some current photos of him.  And I don't know that I can handle it.  The last photos we've seen are from just over a year ago.  Oh, what difference can a year make!  I'm scared to get an update.  Scared to see him bigger, different--much much much more scared to see him smaller or thinner or weaker.

Please pray for the group that is preparing to leave.  They do a great job educating on special needs care in areas that don't have a lot of resources.  Pray for our little guy.  Pray for his perfect fit into our family--which is so unknown to us now, but not at all unknown to our Lord.  Pray for our world's orphans.  That they're protected.  That they know they're loved.  That measures are being taken to prevent social orphans, that families are being strengthened and getting what they need to stay together.  That the rest of us are stepping in to make sure that the children that are alone can be held tight and belong.

Time Sensitive

Our documents have to be less than 6 months old when they're submitted to country.

I already have to redo our marriage certificate.  I ordered them when we started the process, but didn't realize they might be time sensitive.  They were issued in March.  And we will not be ready to submit in September.  And they were already apostilled.  So I've got to do it again.

I just recently discovered that one step I was assuming would take approximately 30 days could now take more like 75.  If that is the case, we will be cutting it close on our document submission.  In fact, if it takes 75 days, we will have to redo the forms we have finished now:  doctor's forms, passport proofs, house letter, etc.

I was feeling pretty anxious about it earlier.  Cried to Matt a little.  And my anti-bureaucracy, struggles-with-the-paper-requirements husband assured me that redoing these documents wouldn't be a big deal.

Will you please pray for us?  There are three steps between us and dossier submission:

1.  home study is finished being edited and sent to AZ
2.  home study is approved by AZ and mailed back to us
3.  home study is sent to immigration and our application is approved

A more prompt response from any (or all!) of these entities will help us be able to submit the documents we have instead of having to redo them.  It's going to be close.

(Big) Baby Carrying

While reading excerpts from "Adoption Parenting:  Creating a Toolbox, Building Connections," I read the following:  Keep your child in close proximity to you–carry them if you can.  Slings are useful even for older toddlers and pre-schoolers. Your child will begin to recognize your special feel and smell!

Which led me to a Google search that produced this blog entry about eleven year old wearing.

Which led to a a Google search on some of the carriers she mentions.

Which was a little overwhelming.

So I asked some of my awesome mom friends.  Have I mentioned how much I love my Mesa mom friends and how much it stinks that I don't live there as well?  (Though we do love our "small town" too.)

And they recommended Babywearing International.  Whom I felt like I should plug here, because I had no idea they even existed.

So I got advice.  And decided to get a Kindercarry.  (Which I've even gotten to see in action through one of my friends.)  They make a pre-school sized carrier.

It came in the mail.

Trying it out with my 37 lb. three year old.

Trying it out with my 26 lb. two year old.

My four year old (that's maybe only 38 pounds) didn't want to help me out--I'll convince him later.  I might need a little help fine-tuning my straps from my carrier-expert friends.  And I'm not sure how much I'll use it since I didn't have a carrier for the others.  But Kindercarrys resell well, so yay!

Isn't it cute, too?  ;)

Weel... Finances

Weel... on Monday our air conditioner broke.  Hard to believe I grew up without air conditioning.  It quits in Arizona and it means business.  And it only got up to 105 on Monday.

So I took the kids to VBS in the morning.  We have two small a/c units in the two bedrooms that our central air doesn't quite cool properly and we split ourselves between those two rooms for nap time.  Nap time ended and we loaded up to get out of the house.

We headed to a nearby town to eat at Golden Corral and ended up stopping at Jiffy Lube on the way and getting some things done on the van that we had been meaning to have done, but hadn't had time.  (Cause we had plenty of time to kill this night.)

We split between the two rooms for the night again and Tuesday was pretty much a repeat, but our a/c was fixed by nighttime.

So this is an unexciting post, but we dug into our adoption savings (a.k.a. our savings) for our air conditioner repairs.  The only way to fix it was to get a whole new unit.  Positive:  it's completely under warranty for the next 10 years.  (Seeing as how this is our 3rd a/c repair in the last 3 years.)

Anyhow, we've just had some expenses as of late:  car repairs, etc. and I'm not as confident that we'll be able to save our adoption amount before it's time.  Then again, I'm totally optimistic.  And I have plenty of ideas as to how we can work it out.  And I'm throwing it out there that we might be asking our dear family and friends for some zero interest loans right at the end.  But I'm not sure.  God is good and we're really lucky in how hard Matt works and how blessed we are.

Our paper baby deliverer travels tomorrow.  Pray for their journey and their adoption and that everything goes smoothly.  Check out this awesome photo of all of the packages they are delivering:  

One of them is ours!

Paper Baby

I sent our first paper baby to be delivered to the country.  A paper baby is a set of documents you send with another adoptive parent who is traveling instead of mailing it there.  Paper baby.  ;)

When it is finally our turn to travel, we will be "delivering" similar little "paper babies" for others.

So here is our first group of paperwork, now gone from my care:

And just to mix it up a little, here's a self portrait:

Genealogy: Our Milley

One college summer, I volunteered to help my uncle run a fire works booth for a few days.  I stayed at my grandparents' house.  My grandma had passed away four years earlier and my grandpa had remarried the previous year.  He and his wife had moved into her house for the time being and I was alone at my grandparents' house.  Snoop that I am, I stayed awake into the night looking through photo albums.  I also found a family tree of one side of my family that someone had researched and printed copies of.

While I had always been interested in genealogy, this was the catalyst to begin my own research.  I copied the information into a notebook and when assigned to research my family tree the following semester, I already had a great resource.  I used to do what I could for free; now I sometimes pay for an Ancestry membership.

I love it.  Unfortunately, my grandmothers both passed away before I was old enough to realize that I should be asking them questions.  And as for my grandfather, it's just not something he's very interested in or knows much about.  And on the other side, I have no one to ask but my aunts, who remember what they can, but it's limited to the more-recent.  And so I search.  And problem solve.  And approach a family gap from every angle I can possibly think of, searching records and cross-referencing what I do know, trying to find that one clue that will break open my knowledge just a little bit further.

But I wanted to write about this tonight, because my research brought tears to my eyes.  And surely there are plenty of similar instances where it could have, but alas... probably will not be very interesting for anyone that's even made it this far... but I wanted this out there.

First of all, back in the day huddled over those sheets of paper at my grandparents', there was my great great great grandmother, Lear White.  That's right:  Lear.  But doesn't that sound weird?  There were notes beside this that it was probably "Leah" though somewhere there was a family Bible that listed her name as "Lear".  I hoped for "Lear," but assumed her name was Leah.  So do most on Ancestry.

And then I got to see this:

Isn't it awesome?  Her name was Lear.  And I just love it.  I wish I knew more about her.  I don't know who her parents were.  I know her maiden name, but when she was 8 years old she was living with a family with a different last name.  And when she was 18, she was living with a different family than the previous one.  I don't know her story, but I hope I can find out more someday.

Then their son, Clinton, goes on to marry a girl named Ola McClain (hence my great great grandparents).  But at some point researching, I realized their daughter, Winnie, marries Andrew McClain.  Brother and sister marrying brother and sister.  Which has happened a few times in my family and I think it is so neat.  Then tonight I noticed that Winnie dies when she's just 18 years old--I had never noticed this before.  And it made me so sad.

So then I look back at a document I had open in another window.  Not paying attention, I had thought it was a marriage record and that Joel and Lear had married off two children in the same year:  Winnie and Milley.  So I was trying to find a record for Milley or to figure out if this was a shortening of the name of one of their daughters.  Now as I looked back and looked closer, I realized it was a page of birth records and that Winnie and Milley were twins!

Milley hadn't appeared in other family trees I had looked at, but here was proof of her, so I added her and began to look for more information.  And found it.

Big thank you to someone who took the time to catalog for FindAGrave.

"Our Milley."  She died in infancy.  She's buried in Kentucky, the birthplace of her parents, though the rest of her family moved to Missouri and are buried there, including her twin sister.  My eyes well tonight.  For both of these girls.  And for their parents.  And Winnie's husband.

And what a sweet infant gravestone.  And more evidence of "Lear," though FindAGrave lists the parents as "J and Lou," because once again, people doubt her name.  If not for that one birth record, I would not know Milley existed.

"Our Milley."

Adoption: Where We Are

Well, I suppose I should say "where I am".  I haven't really talked with anyone about this apart from Matt.  The majority of the feelings have worn off.  Which is 100% normal for me and I assume 100% normal for everyone else too.  Well, that some feelings at some points wear off at least.

On the other hand, I read blog posts from working-on-it adoptive parents and they're so head-over-heels in love with these children that they haven't actually met yet and I cannot copy and paste their feelings.  I cannot apply their feelings to my feelings.  I'm rocking the commitment feelings at this point rather than the gushy feelings.

I'm at the I-have-complete-faith-in-my-God stage.  I don't feel what I felt when we began this process, but I am committed.  And I know that God directed us here.  I know that God loves this little boy so abundantly I can't even wrap my mind around it.  I know that I am going to love this little boy so much I can't even wrap my mind around it.

But right now, it's sort of scary.  It's a disability I don't have much experience with.  It's the unknown of how this is going to impact our family.  It's the unknown of what my relationship with him will look like, how we'll connect with one another, how the kids will all interact with one another.

Okay, so I'll be honest, just saw a new picture of him tonight which is incredible and darling.  (I'll attach it below.)  He looks like my son.  He looks like a little boy that needs me to scoop him up and wrap my arms around him forever.  It's lessened these recent doubts I'm writing about--sort of--this is hard to explain--I'm not actually talking about doubts--struggles?--the unknown?--I just wanted to write this out, because I read gushy thing after gushy thing and I should be honest that I'm not at gushy things stage.

But I am wholeheartedly in my Father's arms, trusting that He has such a plan for this little boy, and that He has commanded me to love him.

Seriously, friends, look at this little boy:

Update as to Where We Are in the Process:

Everything except our adoption education hours is done and submitted to our home study agency.  (Thank you to everyone who wrote a reference for us!)  We have three more education hours left and those should be finished by the end of the week.  It's going to take them approximately one month to write and edit our home study.  Then our home study will be submitted to Arizona and that should take approximately one month to clear.

As soon as that is done, we can submit our home study to USCIS (immigration) which should take approximately one month.  By the time we're submitting USCIS, I believe we'll have our dossier finished.  So assuming we are only waiting on USCIS approval in the end, we could have everything submitted to country in the following two weeks and be receiving a travel date 5-7 weeks after that.

Doesn't sound nearly as daunting as I thought when I first received the paperwork that we needed to do.

Please pray for the document regarding our home.  I have three different parties each willing to sign off on only a very limited piece of the description of our home and I'm really hoping our initial mortgage broker company will be able to just sign a concise document for us that covers everything.  Please just pray for all of these documents and that we wouldn't run into roadblocks, but that our whole process would move smoothly.

Thank you, everyone!

First Time Notarizing

Just found these photos on my phone from our first trip to get documents notarized.  Thought I'd share the redeeming factor to these trips:  banks have suckers.  It's a good thing toddlers don't adopt.  Titus has already been ready to throw in the towel simply because he's had to accompany us to sign papers a few times.

Look, they even shared a bunch.  Aww:

Also, if you happen to be waiting at the bank during one of our visits, you might get to watch a free show:

This is a little girl that knows how to take advantage of a captive audience:

His Name!

So our out-of-left field name was Gideon.  But we were just talking about cool people from Scripture and Gideon was pretty cool.  But it was just too much of a mouthful.  We'd probably do it to a brand-spanking newborn, but it was too much to wrap around this almost 5 year old boy.  So with that said, and they shall call him Caleb.  Caleb, friends!  So you can start calling him Caleb if you'd like to.  We have been for a few weeks now.  :)

Yes, of course, he already has a name.  His national name.  Which will always be a part of him.  I feel like there are mixed feelings on the name topic and I totally agree (with all of the mixed feelings--they're valid).  Your name and what it means and what it signifies and how it factors into your identity are very important.  And there is also something to be said for being named by your parents and sharing in that identity with your family.  As well as your heritage identity and where you started.  It's all very precious and not something I take lightly.

We decided to give him a name.  And we can tell him all about it.  His story will be unique just like Titus and Kali and Ella have a unique story to their names.  And it will in no way diminish his cultural identity--if he'd rather use his birth name someday, that is fine as well.

And I maybe didn't clarify before, but a lot of thought went into his name.  And I did look at every option and angle I could think of to incorporate his birth name (same first letter, rhyming, meaning, etc).  But at the same time, as his parents, we wanted to honor him with naming just as we would any of our children.  Ironically, not until after we decided did I realize that the name we chose corresponds with his birth name pretty well.

As far as middle names go, we'll determine that when this is all said and done.  Currently all of our children's middle names are two-fold:  named after a relative and also someone awesome from Scripture.  I'm not sure whether or not we'll continue the trend with Caleb.  He's already named after someone awesome from Scripture (but then again, so is Titus--love my boys with their strong names!), so we'll maybe go with part of his bio name for his middle name--we shall see...

"Not a man of this evil generation shall see the good land I swore
to give your forefathers, except Caleb son of Jephunneh.  He will see it,
and I will give him and his descendants the land he set his feet on,
because he followed the LORD wholeheartedly."
-Deuteronomy 1:35-36

Camping

Camping is for teenagers.

The first time we tried camping with children, we had a Chinese foreign exchange student and I thought we should give him the experience.  The kids were 11 months and just-turned-two.  We got there just after dark and it just happened to be raining.  Matt and my dad put the tent together while the rest of us waited in the car.  The rain stopped--we ate hot dogs in the dark and went to bed.  Titus woke up throughout the night, at one point throwing up his dinner.  The next day it became apparent that our new little walker wanted to get around the campsite and needed shoes.  Drove into the nearest town to get shoes, got stuck in a traffic jam on our way back, ate lunch at the campsite, drove home.  (Don't think our exchange student enjoyed it too much.)

So... this weekend was the family camping trip with our church.  We were hesitant, but I talked to a few people and decided it sounded like a good idea.  Titus has been asking to go camping for a few months now, anyhow.  And I packed a bag of coloring books, crayons, play dough, puzzles, and snacks to keep the kids occupied if we had down time.

The drive was longer than I thought it'd be.  And when we reached our campsite up the mountain, it was 40 degrees colder.  And there was still an hour or two until dark.  I changed the kids (and myself) into warmer clothes.  We got everything set up.  We ate dinner.  And the kids were tired and wanted to go to bed.

We got them situated in our tent and they were really enjoying it, especially Titus.  Kali was tired and just wanted to get to sleep and Ella and Titus were up to antics and kept waking her up.  But eventually they all settled and were out.

Matt and I went to bed closer to 9:30-10:00.  We had discussed buying sleeping bags, but Matt thought all of our comforters would be okay and had brought extras.  We had two at our disposal so we stretched one over our air mattress to insulate a little better and the other over top of us.  And we couldn't get warm.  Both of us, dressed in layers, sharing body heat under a comforter together, we couldn't get warm enough to sleep.  And the air was so cold.  It was too cold for me to breathe it comfortably--another thing keeping me up--so I would try to drape the blanket just right over my face in order to breathe warmer air and not feel suffocated.  Honestly, it was probably a little on the suffocating side, but I was more concerned with keeping warm than anything else.

I was worried the kids were going to freeze.  Each was wrapped in their own comforter, but I took an extra sheet I found and draped it across the three of them to try to help confine some of their body heat together.

At 12:30, I still hadn't slept--it was too cold to fall asleep.  Matt wasn't sleeping well either.  So we moved the comforter from under us so that we would have two on top.  It helped quite a bit.  I was able to almost-sleep for awhile, but we still weren't really warm enough.  And the air mattress was a little chillier that way.  I found the most comfortable position was to tuck my edge of the comforter under my far knee and put most of my weight on that in order to avoid the chillier areas of the mattress.

At 3:00, we woke to the sound of Kali throwing up everything in her stomach.  Heave after heave in the silence followed by her cries.  We went to her and I got her clothes changed while Matt bunched her bedding away from Ella.  Her pillow, blanket, and toy were all covered.  Matt is usually the puke-person; I simply cannot handle it and end up throwing up myself.  But the smell wasn't too bad and the most trying part of the experience was prying Kali's shirt off her arms as my fingers slipped in the vomit on her sleeve.  So we invited her to sleep with us.

Oh, and through all of this, I had been so thirsty and limiting my water intake, even though I had already been up twice before to go to the restroom which was quite a walk away.  And I was up again, which meant I had to go again, so I stopped to get a bottle of water, because at 3:00 am dehydrating myself didn't seem so important anymore.  And since the sleep I had gotten so far probably can't really be called sleep, I was fully awake and alert as I was out and about.

Coming back from the restroom, I ran into Christine.  Who heard Kali throw up and wondered if we need any help.  Who had not slept at all so far due to the cold.  Who has also having trouble breathing the cold air in through her sinuses.  Who was starting the coffee maker at 3:00 in the morning, because that's what you do if you make it to 3:00, awake and on your own.  We chatted for awhile and I would have stayed and kept her company the rest of the night, but the knowledge that the next day was with kids sans sleep was too foreboding.

Getting back onto the air mattress, we now had a little Kali-heater between us.  First she was tucked against me, but later in the night I was on my own in the cold as she was pressed against Matt.  Ever so kindly, Matt offered to share and pushed her back my way.  But the rest of the night on the air mattress was very uncomfortable.  Regardless of which way I slept, it felt like my hip bone was digging into something.  We shared Kali and Matt got up every so often to check on Ella and Titus.

So when morning came we slept as late as could (maybe 7:30?) before packing up, eating breakfast, and leaving for home with another sick teenager to drop off on the way.  (The camping trip should have continued through Saturday and ended on Sunday.)  I was exhausted.  Feeling that tired for a car ride makes you think you'll never reach your destination.  Matt was also incredibly tired, but said he was doing better.

We dropped off our extra passenger and got home just after noon.  Matt watched the kids so I could take a nap.  I went to our guest bedroom, because it's the coolest in the house and immediately fell asleep.  Later, while I was sleeping and the kids were napping, Kali woke up and threw up all over again.  Matt did a million loads of laundry--usually my department--amazing man.

I woke up around 4:30 pm hot.  Like hot.  So hot that I vaguely remembered waking up an hour or two before worried that our little dogs sleeping with me were dead it was so hot.  All of my muscles ached and hurt.  It felt like someone had hollowed out my bones and they could no longer support my body.  I managed to shuffle into our room and collapsed at the foot of our bed.  It was awful.  Honestly, I can't quite remember how awful it was, it was so awful.  I croaked for Matt and I'm pretty sure he brought cold wash clothes and things.  Eventually he got me to the shower when I thought I could stand for awhile.

That helped, but I still felt weak.  And I had a fever that went back and forth all night and stomach issues that went back and forth all night.  And it's continued into today and I now finally feel well enough to sit at my desk tonight.  Don't feel entirely well, but good enough I guess.  Matt's had it rough having total kid watch since we got home yesterday.

Umm, so camping is for teenagers.  The ideal camping situation is to not have many responsibilities and even to have adults taking care of a lot of your needs if possible.

I don't want to go camping again.  Maybe someday.  Maybe not.  At least in our backyard would be okay.  Especially never if I think it's going to be cold.

And just in case any Calvary Chapel peeps find their way here, it was not the fault of the endeavor.  It was not the fault of this trip.  This is us.  Maybe we'll camp again when the kids can take care of us.

Someday We Will Travel

Some of you may remember me linking the Stewarts' Adoption Blog last year.  There was an issue with the documentation of the girls' birthdays and they got hung up with the US embassy.  In that situation, the adoptive mother was actually given custody of the twin girls immediately upon arrival to the country so they had already been in her care for a month before the issues arose.  Ultimately, she was stuck in-country with them for over six months.  And she had two other small children at home--they were able to fly over with her husband to visit her a few times, but the whole thing was a long process.  And though she was mostly supported, some criticized her for it.  But I got it.  Those girls were her children too.  And you wouldn't leave your child alone in another country if you could help it.

And then I contemplate our travelling.

Our program is two trips to the country, separated by a week and a half wait.  We both have to be there for the first trip, but only one parent for the second.  So already it made sense to us that I would return for the second trip and Matt would stay in the states to work.  And I asked if we had to leave.  And we don't!  Phew--so I'll stay and Matt will come home.  Because how can I walk into that little boy's life and then leave him alone for that many days?  I wouldn't leave Titus or Kali or Ella.

Which means I'll be gone approximately 6 weeks.  (I know, this is a long way off, just thoughts.)  And that will be so hard.  That's a long time to be gone from any of your children.  Which made it sink in all the more how difficult that must have been for the Stewart mama.  Already, I've received at least one opinion that I just have to get back to my other three kids in the middle and how important it will be for them.  And it would be good for them.  But they'll be okay.  They'll survive.  They'll cope.  They'll be safe and secure.

Their brother is going to need me more.

So a different note, I love this photo.  This is a little boy that wants to be a part of life.
  

Quoting the Internet

I've been wanting to blog.  But it's late and I don't feel like writing too much tonight.

So I thought I'd share some quotes that have been standing out to me from around the Internet. 

"God opened doors before we even got to them."
                 -LeSuer family, during their adoption (from YouTube video)

Side note:  My husband just accepted a full-time position with benefits at Charles Schwab!  He's been working his way up the corporate ladder and I'm very proud of him.  This also means that he'll have some vacation days now and the cost of him not working while we're in-country will no longer be an additional expense!

     "On Sunday I told him, 'I have reasons to not move forward, but not one of them can be supported with scripture and they all have to do with me.'
     "He said, 'Same here.  We move forward.'"
                 -current family adopting special needs child

"It just didn't feel right until we opened ourselves up to consider the possibility."
...
"That small voice, the 'what if,' the tug in your heart, is worth listening to, no matter how scary or unsparkly it might seem."
                  -Mohr family, on planning to adopt a girl and adopting 3 boys (from RainbowKids article)

"We started talking about the possibility of adding to our family. It kind of made us squirm a little bit. After all, we've got a good thing going here. The girls have settled in enough that life has started to feel halfway normal again. Comfortable. But maybe we aren't supposed to be comfortable. Maybe we're supposed to stretch... to serve... to sacrifice our preconceived notions of what our family should look like."               
                   -from the blog:  The Great Adventure

"As I was talking with a friend of mine about this, I thought again just what families do for these kids.  It's not just a nice idea to adopt a child from an orphanage.  It's not just a way to grow a family.  Because really, this isn't about the family we used to be.  It's not about us doing something nice for a child.  It's not about us.  It's about him.  Adoption is about Seth.  It's about rescuing one boy from a life I cannot even wrap my mind around.  The loneliness.  The neglect.  The boredom.  The aching for love.  The missed life experiences.  Adoption is fixing that for a child.  For them, it's huge.  It's monumental.  It's life changing and life saving.

 "Can you even imagine what his life was?  What any orphan's life is?  Would you ever want your own children to live that way?  Of course not.  But he IS ours.  And we're in the business now of raising a child who's come from that background, and so I need to stop being surprised that he is still absolutely terrified that at some point in time, he will be 'transferred' again, out of our care and into his next facility.  I need to quit being surprised that he's afraid this will one day end.  I need to expect that he will worry when faced with new experiences, because who would want to give up a family, to go back there?  Who would want to lose a family it took 6 1/2 years to find, only to be abandoned again?  Who can blame him for being anxious about that?  And you know what all this really means?  You know what the beauty of this is?  He loves us.  He really, really loves us.  He's attached.  He's found a place where he fits in, and he knows it and he's clinging to it.  If he's scared to lose it, it's only because he knows what it's like to not have it, and he never, ever wants that again.  He wants us.  And he's trying desperately to trust that we want him too.  And so every experience like this proves to him again that he is ours.  And we are his.  Forever."

                    -from the blog:  The Little Boy Who Could

Headline: Facebook Steals Baby Photos

Once upon a time there was a thing called Facebook "notes".  And for awhile, some of us used them.  Then Facebook did one of its many changes and notes was hidden.  If you worked at it, you could find it.  But they pretty much went away.

So it's taken about 3 years to find the below pictures of baby #2.  At various points, I searched our computers.  I searched my email.  I searched LaurenJean's website.  I could not find them.  Then Facebook changes again and suddenly there's a "notes" section featured on my homepage.  And all this time, these have been lost in "notes"!

Just to add, this was one of LaurenJean's first infant photo shoots (maybe the first one) back in 2009 for learning purposes.  She rocks.

Names

We're working on boys' names and it seems hard.  The first conversation we had, we both liked "Thaddeus" and "Philemon".  But I feel like it's a little much for Stellan (not his real name, remember) as he's already had enough to deal with in life and I'd like his name to be more straightforward.  Maybe even more common.  Or more American.  Just to make things more simple for him.

So, as with each of our children, I continue through the baby names' lists, narrowing down what I like, present them to Matt and he narrows them down further.  So together we added about six more names.  Pretty straightforward.  Varying degrees of common.  And when I would feel pretty sure about one, Matt didn't agree.  And when he'd push one, I wasn't sure I agreed.

It just seems so hard.  I think partly because Stellan is already here.  And we can see him.  It adds another layer as we're both picking a name and I can also look at him and contemplate whether or not it fits.  There are a few that I think fit, but it's hard to be definitive.

at almost 3 years old

Tonight I really wanted us to decide.  So we pored over this small list of names.  And I like them.  But at least for tonight, none of them have quite been clicking.  So I told Matt that what needs to happen is what has happened every other time:  he randomly provides a name out of left field that I have to contemplate and end up acquiescing to.  (Hence both Titus and Kali.)

Side note:  I threw out the name "Titus" one night when we were talking baby names, but not seriously.  We had been disagreeing on EVERY name so I started suggesting random ones.  But then Matt said he liked it.  I had to sit back and think about it.  And mentally came around to it.  And we both decided we kind of liked it.  And we didn't really talk about it much more for the next however many months and then Titus was born and that was his name.

For baby #2, I thought naming her after she was born would be a great plan.  I made a huge list of girls' names, assuming we'd have plenty of labor-time in the hospital to talk about them.  Sitting in the hospital bed, Matt in a chair beside me, he pulls open his laptop to look at this list of mine, starts running through it crazy-fast, going "no" or "maybe" and the first one he got to that he liked said, "Let's name her that."  Without even looking through the whole list!  So I stop him to start trying to explain each name.  And I pick one of the most ridiculous ones on my list (Calliope) and start explaining that for instance, we could call her "Callie".  And he loves the idea of Kali, because it's a computer program he's used in the past.  And I love my husband's mad computer skills and think that would be a special thing to name her (and find out later that it was a program he used to play older video games on a new type of Internet infrastructure).

So most common name of all?  I named Ella!  How in the world did that happen?  I was looking at little girl names one night and saw quite a few that I liked that began with "El" and I had this great idea that we could pick one of these more unique "El" names and call her "Ella".  I run it by Matt and he likes the idea.  So we start calling her Ella while she's in my belly.  And I'm thinking that we'll maybe name her "Eloise".  But by the time she was born, we had spent so many months calling her "Ella" that it seemed wrong to name her anything else.

So onto Stellan... my husband threw out a left-field name for me.  Well, actually I started to do a few more out-of-the-box searches and while throwing out names to him stumbled upon this one that he remarked, "When you told me to give you a left field name, that was what I was thinking."  So we both sat back to think about it.  It is not as common as the other names on our list, friends.  But it is more straightforward than "Philemon".  We're sleeping on it.  We'll see.  :)

Side note:  Bank of America got back to me with a document and it works!  We'll have to send it back to California to be apostilled, but it works!

Also, Stellan is already born so once we name him, you can't hate on our name choice.  Not that I know anyone that would have ever given a family negative feedback on their baby name choice before their baby was born... ;)

(I wouldn't know--we never shared ahead of time to avoid that very thing.)

A Gift

Received our first gift for Stellan!  I'm holding it the wrong way, but it's the most adorable doodle board ever.  And you can see that it has a lap pillow on the other side.  So fun to receive.  I might have almost cried at Chuck E. Cheese.  (Below you can see my happy/sad/emotional/humbled/excited face.)

A few weeks ago I bought a teether for him.  Simply looking at pictures was getting to be too much and it felt good to do something tangible for him.  (Similar to picking up things at the store for my kids when I was expecting.)

Also, Bank of America got back to me.  They should have our document done by the end of next week.  I do not know what it will look like, but pray that it is just what we need.  :)

The Paper Chase: Lap 1

Been feeling pretty overwhelmed/unsure of the crazy list of documents I received that we have to do.  Mostly because they have to be apostilled and I totally didn't get it.  After asking a bunch of questions in my resource forum, I started to get a mental grasp on what we have to do and started feeling more comfortable.

So... looking at our mortgage verification form, I said, "Hey Matt, I think I'm going to go down to the bank and get this one done."

We have to do two forms about our house:  one from the county on the details of our home and one from the bank on our mortgage balance.  If either party is willing to provide all of the above information, then we only need one form.  I thought our bank had all of this information, so I copied and pasted a new form to include both and then printed two copies of each:  the one for just the bank and the one with all of the info I had just created.

Our documents have to be perfect, no errors, no white-outs, so I was trying to cover my bases that I would have whatever I needed with me.  The kids were napping and I left.

Prayed my way to the bank.

First of all, they did not have any house details, so I slipped the paper that would have saved us a trip to the county recorder's office to the side and presented the simple bank document.

Met with a banker and... Bank of America will not sign documents.  They will not write letters for people, either.  The banker I met with seemed so uncomfortable that I was even asking her to.   I literally need a piece of paper with these two things:  our monthly payment and our current mortgage balance.  She had them on her computer in front of her, but she had to call their mortgage department to see what they could do.

They faxed an official Bank of America document that showed this information (and a bunch of other stuff).  I thought it was probably too busy of a document to work, but I asked if she could sign it.  And once again, couldn't even sign an official document from their own bank.  And like I said, this woman seemed so scared to sign anything.

On top of that, her manager was coming in and out to check on our progress and reiterate to me that they wouldn't be signing anything for me.  And she wasn't even the type of manager that smiles and makes you think they might fulfill your request even if they don't.  She was the kind of manager where even her smiles seem hesitant and forced.

And I sat there and I tried.  I'm the deal-with-customer-service person in our marriage so I kept my attitude in check, smiled, and repeatedly let the banker know that in order to do this adoption, I need this information, signed and notarized by our mortgage lender and that is them.

And ultimately, I've already shared what happened.  I spent almost an hour at the bank and concluded with emotions brushing the surface, a shaky smile on my face, collecting my papers with the blood pounding in my ears, and thanking her for her time.

So close to crying out of sheer frustration and just this mix of vulnerability.  Fact is:  we have numerous documents we have to get numerous people to sign.  And a simple trip to the bank did not end so well.

Went home and called their 1-800 number.  Asked him to bear with me, explained our situation, and implored that he find some way to help us.  And they weren't joking in our local branch.  Bank of America does not sign things and they do not write letters.  And I get it--covering your legal behinds and all--I get it.  But we need this document.

So he spoke with his supervisor.  And he spoke with his supervisor.  And there are some other people they need to get in touch with to get this--if they can--done for us.  So he, Justin, will be getting back to me on Monday to let me know where they are on it.  **Let's pray for Justin and whatever is going on in his life right now.**  But they're working on it!  It's a pretty particular document that we need so I sent him the checklist of the things it has to state (our full names, address, etc.).  I really hope they're able to put something together for us.

Talking with a friend about it today, she believes we'll be facing spiritual warfare in this process.  She advised we get our prayer requests out ahead of time so that we can be surrounded in a community of prayer for the specific things we're working on at any given time by all of you.  (I am such a weird believer--prideful believer?--asking for prayer isn't such a common thing for me.)  So here goes:

My Current To Do List
mortgage form
home ownership form w/ county recorder
Matt's employment form
doctor's form
    (negative tests, signing goes smoothly, and not cost too much)
finish autobiography
send marriage certificate to be apostilled
choose health insurance plan
call CASA family - not adoption related, but you can pray for my CASA kids :)